In Which...

This, like walking down a hall of many doors with no windows,

is my decision to make, but if i could have a helping hand?

a caring word or phrase would make this choice so much more

bearable.

Please let me take your-

I'd like to say I am strong willed and courageous

but inside I know

you can see right through it and all my pretenses

and sense my weakened heart whose beats are so

hesitant that I doubt even my existence to you.

Have I chosen this way wrongly?
This path of deteriorating grey ?
I've lost the compass and the map

or never had it at all.

There is a pressure in my chest waiting to burst out any moment

like a voice weakly calling out to you and to me

There's a blockage in my view or a million paths tangled

like thorns lashing out at you

or latching onto me

Please let me take your-

What is this future you see?
A possibility you don't want to share with me

Why can't we go back to before decisions were ours

When the world was big, and bright,

and we could see one road untangled

When we could hold-

Please let me take-

It's something I've been wanting to say deep inside

confused by a myriad of superficial thoughts

a web of chains, events bound to distract

and yet this hidden thought keeps calling out to you and to me

So which door do I choose?

This, decision so heartbreaking like tearing the wings off a bird

is my choice to make, but if I could know your answer?
Would the path I take lead me away from you, a constant ache asks me

so despairingly.

I'd like to see us both walk the same bright white path

because I know

you can see right through all my pretenses

and sense my needful heart whose beats are so

hesitant in their existence until they see

the bright white that we can walk to.

Please Let me take-

Please let me take your hand

And let's walk ahead of that time before decisions were ours

When we can finally smile in our decisions

and our path is cleared.

Because the pressure in my heart will no longer be

bursting out to the world to share it's bright white

against the deteriorating grey

of the other lost paths.

In which...

The sun does shine
on this withered, shrunken hand
along with a breeze
a contradiction
a pale blue sky and scents as fresh
as the rain we wait to fall
from or veins, our hearts
a malediction
a pale blue song from birds
as benign as words
malign from you
The sun does shine
on this pretty, scarring hand

It's amazing how just walking into a Starbucks can make one feel so inadequate sometimes. :-)

Randoseru Time~

As some of my friends know, I recently ordered a Japanese backpack for my little brother on Ebay. It being my first time buying something so expensive from a "non-company", I was a bit worried when i couldn't track the package on its way here.

Luckily, it came in the mail today! Imagine my surprise waking up in th emiddle of the day, a pounding headache and sore throat, and seeing a big box on my computer chair! Needless to say, thoughts on my cough went out our broken window as I immediately set to demolishing the wrapping around my baby brother's new Randoseru!

Smaller than I expected, but it fits all his school supplies and then some! He seemed pretty excited to get all his stuff in there too, (all giggles and everything). I bet that once i start making him some cute obento, he'll be able to fit that in there too, or he can just carry it.

Now all it needs is a hand made Ben 10 keychain to hang on the side! ;D

Bad, terrible Vivi

Take me away

Take me away from such a world
where children cry for things easily avoided
for something lost, or stolen.

Take me away,
to a place where skies are endless,
to where arms are at their warmest
and a smile can fix everything that's broken

I'm tired of this repetition
this endless expedition
into the darkness of one's heart
and how such a thing can lead to more

Take me away from such a world
where lovers hate each other
where families stab one another

Take me away,
to a place where one sleeps easy
a place where life is lived happy
and hands are used for holding things one love.

Please dear angel, dear star in hazy skies
heal the times long tarnished
by the fear and anger hate's brandished
and take me away from such a world

Man, i have the worst acid reflux at the moment! It feels like my tummy is trying to eat itself! Dx

Happy new year guys! <3<3<3

FW:| Omg i can finally txt!<

Look at You

Look at you,

vessel of unfounded love

a quirk of the lips

a shameless smile

and fingertips touching

through windowpanes of frosted

happy tears

a crinkle of eyes

a selfless word

and the sky falls around us

in shooting stars

as bright as the color under your hood.

Look at you,

tremulous world of unending warmth

a twitch of fingers

a soft caress

a melody of beating hearts

and an alchemy of laughter

in bursts of fluttering wings

as lovely as the smile under your hood.

Look at you,

carrier of a boundless heart

an upturned eye

outstretched arms

a smile to the sky

and you fly

into scattered winds

as soft as the voice uncovered

when you removed your hood.

a crinkle of the eyes

a quirk of the lips

and the sky wraps around us

in the drifting galaxies

as warm as your endless embrace.

I feel bad for not posting in a while... work is killing my brain cells.

There she is standing with her back against a blank wall
Smiling with her heart held on her head like an apple waiting for the shot
she doesn't like wearing it out on her long sleeve
or looking down from dreams of castles made out of glass.

You've got to bring it down with one of cupid's arrows
or say a word that will wake her up again.
You've got to promise her with a smile of your own
Your boxed up heart held up to hers in red-white target

Take a breath and follow her into her dreams and stories.
Make a pact with endless skies to bring her back again and help her as
she takes Glasswing castles down from memories unwanted.
Arms outstretched towards the sky with back against the slowly falling wall.

You can say she tries to fly with her feet still on the ground.

Let your crimson cupid's bow make honeyed arrows fly true.
Pierce the drying apple balanced on her head in one smooth blow.
Doesn't matter much if it hurts and turns into a bruise
as long as your there to promise with that smile of yours.

You've got to bring it down with one of cupids arrows
You've got to promise your heart to her glass made red-white castle.

Take a breath and follow her into her floating castles
Make a heart-felt promise with the soul inside her starlit eyes as
she takes Glasswing castles down from memories rewoven
Arms outstretched towards the sky with back against the slowly falling wall.

Put your back up against the wall.
Lift your hands up towards the air.
Let your heart fall against hers in the chest between you.

Don't look down from both your dreams
keep on smiling towards each other.
hearts made of glass in dreams woven between your fingers .

Take a breath and follow her into her whispered wishes
Make a love-filled promise with the heart held in your hands as
she builds Glasswing castles up from memories unraveled
Arms outstretched towards the sky with back against the climbing wall

Take a breath and follow her into her glass made castles
Make a paradise for you with both your dreams and stories
she builds Glasswing castles up from unraveled memories
Arms outstretched towards the sky with back against eternal wall

You can say she's flying with her feet still touching ground.

Smiling with your hearts held on her head like an apple waiting for the shot.
She's not flying by herself anymore.

First Break from Work.

That's right, my friends. For the past three day's I've been working my extra weight off in a kitchen... only to regain it once again during lunch. Just joking. These old people eat a lot healthier food than we do, and a lot better tasting than some of the stuff in high school cafeterias.

Anyway. Today was my first break of the week, Saturday being another one, and still I feel strange having an inconsecutive weekend.

But!~ This isn't a complaint! I think I like my job so far, though I feel extremely slow, in both mental and physical sense, compared to my fellow kitchen ladies. They tell me I'll soon start catching up to them, so I'm still optimistic. Besides, where else can I work where I don't have to take my own lunch? lol.

For tomorrow I have a ride, as well as Sunday, though for the other days I have to rely on the bus. It's a two hour trip, and then I have to wait two hours before my work actually starts (there's no later bus so I have to take that last one which takes me early) so in the end, I'm out of the house for around 9 to 11 hours, getting home exhausted, but feeling accomplished. I can't wait for my first paycheck. Straight to the bank it will go, taking out the money I'll need for the bus.

I'm hopeful that I'll stay at this job for a while, and that we might even move closer, however much i dislike the heat (it's a desert... almost).

In Which Job Opportunity, Here I come!

As said in the title, I was gifted with a job opportunity last night by my uncle and his old coworker and friend. I have to say that I'm extremely excited about it. Despite it being very far away from where I live, it's still a job. I can always but a small car later, or if I get my way, a moped. Though I still have to learn how to drive one >.>

If I get it, I will be working in the kitchen of a convalescent home as a helper. I really do hope I get it. I've been aching for a job since I stopped working at Boething Nursery.

Wish me luck, guys!

In Which Boredom begins to Kill

I am so.. BORED. It's only been two days and already I'm starting to get restless. Having a friend around helps a bit, but when we're each doing our own thing, the depression comes back.

I can't even write. I keep trying to go back to the Alchemist, but I end up daydreaming instead. It's also no help that one of my characters keeps getting thrust from his story and put up against random things like... video games, or comedy shows. The man is DARK, for the love of the Goddess! He'll never go into a comedy! The thought alone makes my spine writhe in horror.

Suffice to say that I despise crossovers in any of my fandoms. Even of my own characters.

Yes. the lack of stress makes me moody. Or maybe... I'm even MORE stressed because I have nothing to do. I feel like a crippled coonhound once having experienced the thrill of the hunt beside his master, and now confined to being a complacent housedog. 

I think... I just called myself a Bitch. >.>

Anyway. I feel so out of place thinking that I'll never go to school again. Or... back to high school, anyway. I can only hope I get a job soon so I can start college. I really, really, REALLY need school. Actually, I think I might even end up a teacher. As bad as I am at public speaking, I feel the most comfortable in a classroom.

I might even find time to write when I'm not swamped with bratty kids' homework.

I have to say I LOVE classrooms.

Or maybe I'll become a librarian... Miels always did say that he could imagine me as a librarian. Though I think he meant for a whole other reason. Perv.

Sekshi Ribrarian! 8D

I've reverted to my 12 year old , OCD, ADD tendencies, it seems.

I actually woke up today at around 3 am and was too bored to go back to sleep. I don't know how that works, but eh... I guess I'm weird that way.

Well... I'm going to go back to reading fan-fiction and watching random anime. Perhaps something will inspire me to finish my own fan-fiction and continue the Alchemist.

And woah! I had no Idea I had so many watchers. It's kind of flattering actually, not to mention the reviews or remarks, or whatever they're called. Thanks guys for your support! Goddess knows how you guys can put up with me. ^_^

In Which... egh, i dont even know

Yesterday a star appeared in your eyes
Only I could see it
Only I can still
hear your voice calling out
within my heart for the other half of you

Yesterday the clouds covered up your heart
Only I could feel it
Only I can still
see it beating within my own ever time

Spanning distance, 'cross all time
through the armor of our bodies
inside mine.
My soul awaits your company
yours awaits mine.

Yesterday I heard a whisper in your ear
that you didn't hear
that you can still
not understand my voice
calling out for your other half of me

Yesterday a rainbow crossed my pathway
You couldnt see it
You still can't
see my face within the crowd
of our mortality.

Spanning distance, 'cross all time
through the armor of our bodies
inside mine.
My soul awaits your company
yours awaits mine.

Our hands reaching out to empty space
searching for the other half of
Something we can't touch
through the armor of our bodies.

Yesterday I saw a flower fall on stone
Only I could see it
Only I can still
see your name engraved on my heart
calling out for my other half of you.

ahaha~ depression continues! >..> this is what i do when im depressed. Make fun of myself and write poetry. Add me to the Emo List. -_-

In Which, Can you?

Can you hear
Those words are hesitant and
softly sing to me?

Despite their volume
They stay behind and hide amongst
surface scattered notes
that forget them.

Can you see
those smiles are broken and entice
attention from you?

Despite their weakness
There's no look back and plead for
compassion in return
for the virtue

Busy nights are etched across them.
broken letters that don't scar
the surface of star cut eyes
and indecisive moments
that forget them.

Can you feel
the heavy shackles wrapped around
those all too thin hands?

Despite their burden
they keep on playing softly
surface scattered notes
that forget them.

Can you love
the treated heart and soul that
needs compassion?

If you say you will
There's no look back and regret
to inform the bound up heart
that there's no song
to sing.

Eh... I feel under appreciated lately. Completely useless and alone... and what's worse is I don't even feel like talking to anybody. I want to talk, but then i get moody and it just makes things awkward, so I'd rather not.

Soon I'll be able to move on, I hope, and find my way. Because I'm lost and can't seem to think much about anything except the dead end I have just walked into. Sometimes, epiphanies aren't always a good thing. I somehow wish I had stayed oblivious to what I know feel... But anyway... I hope you like the poem.

Group Photo 2009!

And this year, more people for the group photo!

View Full Album

And Presenting...

The EPIC SHOT 2009!

In Which

I closed my eyes so I could see your smile
and the memory of your laugh was like a warm breeze
that swept away my melancholy.
I remember you, traveler.
You took my heart to another world
and gave me nothing
but a kiss in return

~~~~

I've tasted the forbidden fruit
my sin
letting go a comfortable life in order to feast
on the sweet nectar
of my dreams

In Which BEETRAIN Is Awesome once more!

As I said above, Beetrain, the animation studio, has once again outdone itself with "Phantom: Requiem for a Phantom! The animation is amazing, and the music is... to cry for. XDD I've always liked this studio's anime, and I have high hopes for this one. Go BEETRAIN!

In Which… Today is my 19th Birthday!

Yes, I know I celebrated it earlier, but now I am officially 19! Not a big thing in milestones, but still only two more years until i ca legally buy Kahlua and my own cooking wine!

*punches air happily*

.... that's all i really had to say ^w^;