In Which Stress About My Future...

There's only one thing I want to say at the beginning of this Post: I HATE the government. Either that or the government hates me. I thin kit's the latter, because If it was nice to me, I wouldnt have much problems with it.

First of all, Fafsa is screwing with me. Ive been trying to apply to the damn thing so i can go to college, because God knows, I have no money to pay for it myself, but it just WONT cooperate! Not only that, but I had printed seven pages of Fafsa information only to find that it was useless since ir hadn't been confirmed! ARGH!!

Second of all, this whole government screwing me over doesnt end there! Oh no, they intend to make my life adequately miserable even through my last year of high school. It's like they're trting to remind me that I'm still a poor loser and arent going anywhere. Damn them. Anyway... In this version of screwing me over is: I dont get lunch tickets anymore! I have no money to buy food to eat at home, and now I can't even eat at school! They say it's because I dont have medical, but seriously..

And this all ties in to how this affects me emotionally as well as financially. First of all, tthe whole thing could have been evaded if my grandma had just signed a letter saying my mother and I were dependent on her, but she always refused. For a whole year we tried to persuade her, but she would just sit there and stare at the paper and get angry, saying we wanted to steal her money or some shit like that. In the end she finally signed the damn letter but iwas already too late and we were refused! So we werent given medical, and we werent given foodstamps or WIC despite my kid brother still being 3 at the time.

During this time I had a stable job, and i was being driven there by my uncle. It payed minumum wage for hard labor (plant nursery) but it was worth it to have my own money, you know. Anyway...The place was very far from where i live and it took two hours to get there by bus, so i asked my uncle to take me. After a few months and once I had started schol, I had to reduce my hours, and then my uncle decided that he want going to drive me anymore. Thanks a lot, blood relation. In the end I had to quit before I got fired, and I was very sad to go because I liked it there. But now the whole thing is that my uncle is always telling me I'm lazy because I have no job. Bub, thanks to who? Not only that but it's nea impossible to get hired at the very moment because of the stupid recession.

So here I am today, trying to fill out this fafsa and am so stressed out I start arguing with my computer screen and my uncle gets angry. So then i tell him the govt. is screwing with me because of not inly this but, also the lunch tickets. Of course, 'concerned' with my welfare he asks why. As if he didnt know. So then my mim mentions about the gran not signing the acursed letter, and he has the gall to get angry, saying im lazy and never do anything. Thanks a lot. really. Im so glad for his support. So the three of us, My mom, my uncle, and me get into a screaming match about who's fault it is, but you know what? I dont really CARE. All I care about is that, goddammit I want to go to college and without the damn fafsa i cant do anything!

In Which Stress Attacks The Mind

Now as most teenagers know, high school is filled with stress. Whether from the actual school work or from relationships that don't go exactly as planned, every person, even outside of high school has their fair share of stress, and I am no different.

I had not really complained about stress throughout most of my life, being a sort of laid back(lazy) easygoing person. Though now I am assaulted by the tornado that is college applications and the search for financial aid. I am not going to go all out and say that I'm poor, though at school I usually make a joke of my financial problems, but I will go ahead and say that I need all the help I can get to make it into college. I do not want to end up living off of welfare for the rest of my life or sharing an apartment with my mother. The strain on trying to become independent without mooching off of her in the meanwhile is enough to start giving me migraines...literally.

Now the start of my stress induced headaches came about sometime in the beginning of the year when I realized, Hey, I'm a senior, I have to go to college next year...imagine that. Well, anyway, this shocking revelation led me to the college office, where i dove into the haystack of colleges, researching and trying to figure out just what I want to spend the rest of my life doing as a career. I, who was used to just following instructions, had to go out and figure stuff out for myself. Talk about being out of my element.

First of all there's the problem of actually deciding on what career path to choose, whether culinary arts, since i love food, visual arts, since I like to paint, draw, etc., Music, because I like to sing, Literature, for my love of writing and reading, photography, because I like... well photography, or becoming a teacher because I like to torture small children...That was a joke. Anyway, there's the rush of finding your major so I can actually go to college, then there's the rush on finding a college.

I'm not going to say that I hate community colleges, but I know that If I start there, I will never get out of that. I know myself. I'm easygoing (lazy), passive, and don't like to stress too much(which makes my current predicament all the more stressful... and of course the family doesn't really help) So I really want to hurry up and find the college or university where I will be happy for the next four years, learning what I need to know to enjoy the next fifty or so years of my life. It's just that, the headaches make me giddy.