In Which..Once again, Colorgenics Test

Name: Vivi
Date: 3/30/2009
Colorgenics Number: 73205164

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Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

And once again, the test has dysmal results. Smile and the world smiles with you? Umm... right. Fudge that, I'd rather go out for some ramen.. >.>

In Which I go to a BoA Concert!!

Saturday was AWESOME!! JUst as the title states, I went to a free BoA mini-concert at Universal Studios! I was ale to get some good footage from where we were; on the balcony.



Plus after the rehearsal, I was able to take a bunch of good pics up close... or as close as i could get... >..> Which was still pretty close XDD

In which I gave you my wings... Dialogue of a Tearful Butterfly and its Beloved Boy

Iridescent eyes looked into black, and a small smile appeared on his face.

“I don’t want to be selfish.” he whispered, his voice as soft ad quiet as a gentle breeze, “But… I’ve always wanted you to see only me.”

“Let go of your ambitions, forget about your past
and look at only me until I die.
I promise it won’t be too long,
remember butterflies only live for a few days.”

A silence followed, and he looked away, “I am… a terrible person, to ask for such a thing. That thing which you aim, it’s important, right? And here I am, life after life, distracting you from it. But…”  He looked back up at the other boy, eyes desperate and filled with a love and longing that spanned lifetimes, “You are not happy like this! Every time, every time I look for you, you’re not happy.

“And when you see me and I touch your face you smile! How could that be a lie in my eyes!? I gave you my wings, and I’ll give them again only to see you smile! Just say you love me! Say you love me and I will be yours again…”

He became quiet, and his thinning hands clasped the boy’s strong ones, “If I have to wait another lifetime to feel your love again, I will.” the butterfly whispered, bringing their hands up to his lips and kissing the beloved fingers.

He was becoming thin, though. His life and colors becoming grayer and grayer, blending into the black and white background of the forgotten valley.

“I want to wait, and my heart wants to wait, but my soul… “ And he couldn't say it. His soul would shatter after so much use. After so many rejections.

“What would you do?” he asked softly, brokenly, “With such a love, do you think I should give you up? I want to see the butterflies only with you..”

The boy only took his hands away, despite the pulling in his heart, how he wanted to take the other in his arms and never let him go. It was still too confusing, how anybody could have a love so strong as the person before him. It was almost transcendent. and damning at the same time.

Finally, he looked at the one before him, black eyes meeting eyes as dusty ad colorful as a dragonfly’s wings, or a butterflies, “I have a mission that even love cant hinder.” he said, and his heart almost bled at the look on the other’s face. A mixture of aguish and love, and all kinds of emotions that a mere boy could never understand, all hidden behind a smile.

“Is love not your mission?” the butterfly asked softly.

“No.” He replied. Short and to the point. He didn't think he would be able to say anything else. Not with that look on the others face, the now closed expression in his eyes. But he continued, knowing he was right, but hating himself for every word. Why could the other not understand!? “You have wasted your time, searching for something that doesn't exist.”

The butterfly’s lips only curled into a sad smile, almost bitter, but too sweet and in love to be anything but understanding, “It’s not wasted time… not when it was with you.“ Colorful eyes watched as his boy walked away.

“At least… I did get to see you one last time. And…”

A cough erupted from his mouth, and he covered his lips with one hand, hiding the foamy blood that began to gather from his lungs.

The boy didn't notice, and kept walking. All the butterfly could do was watch sadly and lovingly as the most beloved in his heart walked away once more. just like every other lifetime, each and every one.

“Goodbye…”

And the butterfly fell from the sky.

 

Wow, deppressingness. This is actually not a scene i was planning to put into the story I began writing. The story itself is very depressing, and as hinted above, the boy leaves the butterfly, and the butterfly dies. Very depressing, but what can i say? I’m a very depressing person. Anyway… After writing this, I might just decide to put it in… Depends…

Can anyone guess which character was modeled after me? X3

Bet you can’t~

In Which…

I saw your smile across the street
against the fog of my mind, a sweet
and unbroken chain of mine
that all consumed this heart.
And it wasn't for me,
but I don't care, it’s a start.

I can’t hear you,
Speak louder!
I’m trying to chase you down that road
I’m trying to reach you
let me touch you
with these scarred but unbroken hands

I see those eyes inside my dreams
clouds brimming full of screams
that echo, inside my mind
and I lean back against the rooftop wall
as i listen to your all
consuming pain
and shame, inside your hands

I see those smiles across the room
glass shattering onto the ground
and you keep walking against the wind
I can save you

Like you saved me.

I can’t hear you,
Please Speak louder!
I’m trying to chase you down that road
I’m trying to reach you
let me touch you
with these scarred but unbroken hands.

I’ll reach you through chain link fences
and whispers passed through halls.
I have my hand over my heart
a prayer upon my lips.

And again.

I can’t hear you,
Speak louder!
I’m trying to chase you down that road
I’m trying to reach you
let me touch you
with these scarred but unbroken hands.

Can you hear me?
I’ll speak louder!
as I chase you down that road!
You can keep on running, but i know
that one day you’ll reach a dead end
and we’ll be able to touch
with these scarred but unbroken hands.

In Which Absolute Freedom! I have my own computer!!

Anyway~ My mom bought me my own pc! See, our computer had died from overuse, and before, I was hoping that we could just get it fixed so that we could finally use it. Unfortunately, it turns out that the whole hard disk fried and it would have cost a lot to get the OS disk. So in the end she bought a new computer.

The great thing, though, was that she decided to buy me a computer too! Since we were always fighting for use of the old one, I guess that’s why it died, since it was almost never off. So now I have my own pc that i ca start using the minute i get home, and its sooooo cool!

Unfortunately, the monitor doesnt have speakers, but what he heck, my OWN PC!! Ill be getting speakers soon anyway, so right on!